I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
