He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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