You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize