only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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