you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
