the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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