bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
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I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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