Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
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Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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