As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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