i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
They have beer where we have blood.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
