So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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