My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
