In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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