Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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