my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
