I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
