I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
