I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
