So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
