I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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