she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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