My hand turned me down
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
