But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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