Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
