I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
