thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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