i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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