I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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