Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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