I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
