Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
