I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize