She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
