What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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