the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
