I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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