Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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