my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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