On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
