my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She needs sedatives and a leash
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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