Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
