I just pynch a tree in the face
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
