mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Randomize
