Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Drake has all the answers
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
