so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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