OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My cat gives me a boner
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
