finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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