My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
