my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
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Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
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I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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