Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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