Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
