Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
