I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
