I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
