You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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