I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
