I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
