ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
