he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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