So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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