you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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