yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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