**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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