Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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