Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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