Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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