Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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