why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
