physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I need to stop coming to work sober
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
