I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
