We named our party play list daddy issues
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
