I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
