So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
