i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
